I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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