She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
