Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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