we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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