If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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