is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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