Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I supernannyed him into submission
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
