OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize