I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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