am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
