Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
