You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize