I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
