No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
