Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
