Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
