How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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