If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
