thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
