just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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