i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
