once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
