i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
