i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
third nipple confirmed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
