I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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