tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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