I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
