NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
