Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
