When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
