she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
