Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
