you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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