this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
