So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
