ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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