we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
