so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize