I cockslap morals
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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