just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
