I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
