Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
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