Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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