i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
