VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
