It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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