you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Are we still banned from the library?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
