I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
