But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
