chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
