No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
