That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
