What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
