We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
