bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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