i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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