Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
