He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
