College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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