we're blogging at a bar
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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