I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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