Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
