Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
