Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
so much tequila, so little girl.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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