dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
