Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
