Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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