bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
