So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize