wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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