This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
