To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Apparently you make a good broom.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
