You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize