dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
