Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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