Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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