if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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