whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
