When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
