There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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