def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
