Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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