Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
