you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
