my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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