I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
