Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
