She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
