why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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