guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
