apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
