His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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