I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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