How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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