; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize