we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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