Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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