Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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