When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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