Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
