I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
