Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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