then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
